THAT Question

Do you work?

There it is.  The question.  I have been asked this question dozens of time.  A loaded question.  I have found that most of the people who ask me this question already have the answer they want to hear formulated in their minds.  They want me to say “no”, they expect me to say “no”.  It is a very common “mom question.” A question I have heard from stay at home moms, moms that work outside the home, moms that used to stay at home and now work outside the home, and moms that left other jobs to stay at home.  I think it’s a terrible question.  It’s a terrible question to ask any human being, regardless of how they spend their days.  Aren’t we all working? working for something?  working toward something?  working at something?  I think so.  Isn’t life a work in progress?  I think so.   I don’t think the questioner is coming from a negative place when they ask.  At least I hope not.  I don’t really know why people ask this question but I get this question often, from other moms mostly.  Moms…aren’t we all working?!  Working to raise decent, compassionate, kind, productive members of society.  It’s a tall task.  It’s a lot of work.  I think what they are really asking is if being a mom is my only job?  Do I have a job that financially helps my family?  Do I have a paycheck?  Do I have to schedule my mom and “work” life separately or in tandem?  I understand the question.  I just hate the question.

 When I am asked; “Do you work?”  I always  answer “yes.”  But then I immediately fill that followup void with a quick blurb about how I tutor kids online and in person and how I babysit my neighbors’ kids every other week.  That’s the answer I usually give.  It is a reflex answer. It is an answer that satisfies the questioner.  It is not a good answer.  Yes, those are the “jobs” that bring some money into our house but the loaded part of that question and what they really want to know is…do you have another part of your life that takes your attention off your family and that you must have to help your family survive financially and that requires you to dress a certain way or that involves traffic and commutes and using a different part of your brain and is there a desk and a computer and childcare logistics and pet logistics and packing your lunch and doing your grocery shopping in the evenings or on Saturdays because that is the only time you can do it.  That is the type of “job” the questioner is asking about.  And NO, I don’t have that job. And I totally respect and admire those that do have those jobs, it’s a balancing act for sure. I don’t have that particular balancing act... But I do most certainly and with my whole heart and being WORK.

*Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now and get back to WORK!  :-)