A Memory Moment

Last night, in the middle of the night (I did check the clock but I couldn't focus on the numbers), Luke came into our room.  No tears, no crying, no lost Ellie.  He wandered his little self through the dark living room and into our room.  He silently "pet" my arm.  I didn't say a word but he could tell I woke up at the touch.  He gently climbed into our bed.  He crawled over me and sandwiched himself between L and I.  Got himself under the covers and fell asleep.  Not a sound.

I woke up early.  As I always do...to get things done, to do work, to drink coffee without reheating it, to be alone, to watch as the sun comes up, to be silent.  But today I didn't.  As I was beginning to put my feet on the floor and get out of bed Luke wiggled and turned. And in that turning his arm came out and he grabbed my hand.  In his sleep he had a soft grip on my hand and I no longer could get out of bed.  I laid back down and tried with all of my might to force this memory into my brain...to make sure that when I am 70 I will remember this moment with full clarity.  I cried.  I cried because he is three and a half years old, I cried because his hands are still so small, I cried because I know they won't be small forever, I cried because I am currently the true love of his life, I cried because he is and will always be the true love of my life, I cried because our bed fits all four of us (riggs too), I cried because I knew enough to lay back and stay in bed, I cried because I want so badly to remember this moment in 40 years, I cried because I am a mother.

And in a true foreshadowing moment, after about 20 minutes, Luke let go and rolled over.  And then I cried about that too.